An years long ordeal saw me adrift….. and finally anchored
A stranger in a strange land
New faces, unknown characters, on a dais that I know….
Would see me mature towards a profession
And even as I was trying to define myself….
In the context of the changed milieu….
Destiny and decision soon took me thru new introductions.
The strangers soon changed to friends—a second family.
The Alma Mater – my second home
And myself – a second birth.
Amidst the league, you were to me, just another girl.
Your silence and solitude beclouding your entity.
Your indifference widening the breach between us
I didn’t take notice of the hidden you. Foolish as I was.
Time and Space, the only gap between us. I was aware.
And when slowly, the passing time conquered the space,
The silence of your expression, started to scream to me….
Urging me to unravel the truth….the factuality of your character.
And when it was done, I had discovered YOU…..
A paragon in an evasive quiescent disguise.
The disclosure smoothened my heart…..
With the silkiness it had never knew.
And thru’ my mind’s eye, my soul could see…in You….
All that I wanted in My Girl.
You were the one and I had to make you mine.
And ever since the realization,
There has been nothing that mattered in this world….
Than your comely self, the unparalleled pleasure of your sight.
The increasing pitch of each of my heart beat….captive of your spell,
As if shouting to convince me that I was in Love.
LOVE….the ethereal feeling I was an alien to.
For, until now, nothing had struck me….
With the subtle magnanimity as has your virtuosity.
Myriad times, I tried to contradict my heart…I cant be in love!
But, it just wouldn’t let go.
You it said were mine….only mine
Cos’ I cant think of anyone else who can take your place….
In the caring depths of my heart….
The compass of my Soul
You are the one and only.
And now, when we sit together,
An unseen divine force coerces me into expressing my love for you.
But my conscience cautions me.
What if you despise…to shatter my dreams….my world.
So, over the battle of the Heart and the Conscience….
My being is rattled as I slowly drown….
In the turbulence of indecision…of cowardice.
Although I laugh and joke with the others,
When it comes to you, I just can’t be myself.
Afraid I might hurt you, frighten you…….love you
The haunting fears of this thought…..
Striking daggers at my deficient heart.
So however hard I try to express, I only seem to regress
Hence I’d rather live in the mythical world of my directed fantasies…
Wherein I can rest in your arms, without a care in the world….
Than to submit to the likelihood of rejection.
The brutality of the possibility…
Capable of disqualifying my true love…turning it to shambles.
So, I dream and continue to dream.
Dreams that are my territory, the strong walls of which…..
Can never be trespassed, never be encroached by Doubt.
Within its realms, I shall visualize, the beauty of my desires.
Even as I imagine……
The two of us on the sandy beaches.
As the cold waters of the ocean sweep our legs….
The chill of the water subdued by the warmth of your sweet caress.
The twilight reflecting from the waters…
Defeated by the sparkle in your eyes.
The might of the wind….
Arrested int your flowing hair.
The husk of the ocean waves fading….
Against the hush of you whisper.
With the glory of the brilliant Morning sun…
Overshadowed by the radiance of your captivating smile.
With my fingers running thru’ your hair….
As your warm breath caresses my neck.
Both of us delightfully enraptured in mutual worship.
Oh! I’d rather live in the world of make-believe….
In the splendor of my dreams….
Until one day, when these dreams of mine…..a Coward,
Shall materialize thru’ the faith I have in my love.
Until that day….. This Coward shall dream.